Recently someone I came into contact with professionally said that I am unprofessional and treat people like shit.
Bold statement, I know.
Around the same time, a woman that I coached for three months shared with me at the end of our coaching container that our work together changed her life in a profoundly impactful and positive way and, as a higher level leader in her company, has invited me to teach leaders in our community about conscious leadership on a broader scale.
The common denominator in both of these scenarios is that I was willing to tell the truth. Compassionately, with neutrality, and in a direct way.
Neither of what these women shared with me about me were my truth. It was the truth they constructed about me based on their perception of me, the filters through which they experienced me based on their own life experience, background, belief systems, desired outcome, etc.
These aren’t the only conflicting pieces of information I’ve received about myself over the last few weeks. I’ve continually ping-ponged back and forth between all kinds of messages about who I am, how I show up, how I affect people, and how literally just existing makes people feel certain ways about me and, ultimately, about themselves. It has been hard to find my footing, and I’m sure many of you can relate.
I’ve asked my self if I’m narcissistic, toxic, unprofessional, or inappropriate in my behavior. If I’m worthy of doing the deep work and high level coaching that I do, and continually want to do more and more. I’ve questioned my own worth and value, if I even know who I am. I’ve felt angry at myself for giving people access to me who, through a closed heart, I say don’t deserve it.
When I open my heart again, it is still true for me that not everyone deserves my energy. I can also identify in my open heart state that I know who the fuck I am. I know my truth, and though it is always evolving, it has no basis on what others choose to believe to be true about me.
I do not ignore the messaging, by the way. I believe that everything is a mirror for me, and people and my experiences with people are often the most reflective. I do not hesitate to ask “how have I affected this situation? how have I shown up? what could I have done differently, if anything? how will I move forward in a way that works best for me, my highest good, and the greater good at large?”
Asking myself those questions is often uncomfortable as I almost always discover something about myself that I did not see before - even when I believe myself to be “right” in any given circumstance, though being “right” is rarely the goal. With new awareness comes new information and with new information there must also be either 1.) a new way of being, 2.) a new course of action, 3.) a new way of relating (either to myself, others, often both). The point, though, is my willingness to go there. My willingness to be uncomfortable. Because I know of the freedom that exists on the other side.
I share this with you today just to say that you will be bombarded continually with messaging about who other people believe you to be. They will try to tell you directly and indirectly who you are in order to fulfill whatever role they need you to play out in their life. We all do it, even me. Plus, one of the brain’s main job is to look for evidence that supports the beliefs that are ingrained deeply in our subconscious mind that keep us “safe”. If you believe you are who everyone else says you are, you will find evidence that supports that.
But with self awareness practices, surrounding yourself with people you trust and value who are willing to hear you and tell you the truth (dear friends, therapist, coach, etc.), and clarity around your own beliefs, values, and heart-centered truth - no one can convince you otherwise of your innate magic. No one.
You are the co-creator of your life. You get to be the storyteller. Depending on the data you collect in your lived experience that contributes to what it is you have to tell, that story might not sit well with everyone. In fact, you will always encounter people who will be uncomfortable with your truth. And that’s ok, it doesn’t have to sit well with everyone. Not all truth is universal in that way, and you can not convince anyone to see you either. You just can’t.
All that to say, Mary Oliver said it best when she said:
“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”
You simply have to tell the truth. Show up, pay attention, tell the truth, and then let it all the fuck go; the outcome, the control, what people think about you, who they construct you to be in their own reality. You have to stay connected to your magic. For you, and so that other’s feel empowered to do the same in their own lives. We are here for each other. Otherwise, what the hell are we even doing any of this for?
Tallyho,
Jenny
p.s. Remember the client I talked about in the beginning of this newsletter, and how we just completed our three month coaching container? This means I have room in my calendar. For three months and/or beyond. If you are ready for a coaching experience that will apologetically change your life in a multitude of ways, you should message me. Let’s talk.