Field Work
notes from the field
Hi. This is your sign to stop running.
The thing you keep running away from, the thing that makes you want to shrink. The thing that you can’t stop thinking about but simultaneously - and maybe even unconsciously - makes you take up less space. The thing that excites you, that you dream about. The thing that makes you question opportunistically “what if? what if it were possible?” The thing for which you keep saying “someday.”
Do it. Walk toward it. Hell, run. Take up space. Stay big.
This last week I’ve been sick with some sort of cold/virus and completely cleared my schedule. I’ve stayed in pajamas most days, and changed from dirty pajamas to clean ones other days. Most of the conversations I’ve had have been with the dog. Most of the snacks have been shared with her, too.
I was feeling like a really good servant to rest and to myself and to my health, and yet I found myself everyday on the computer for hours creating content for my business. I literally couldn’t help it.
I’ve loathed the idea of having to be a content creator for my business. I’ve also loathed when people say they “don’t want to be a content creator for their business”; it seems like we’re saturated with that messaging from entrepreneurs and artists and creatives and everyone else trying to make a living on their own terms.
But doing something different requires different things. Sometimes you’ve just got to play the game.
But something clicked for me this week. I made the decision that I’m going to make this business work for me. Which…is maybe a decision too late because, hello, I’m already building the business.
I’ve done damn near everything in my life out of order, backwards, or categorically “my way”, so I guess none of us should be surprised by the lack of linearity in my decision making process around my business.
hehe
This decision to make my business work for me, though, is so much more than that. It’s surrender. Actually, it goes well beyond surrender. It’s trust. It’s devotion!
I’ve spent years in resistance to most of my life, which goes against one of my favorite quotes that I am practicing to embody more and more everyday, which belongs to Bill Murray:
I try to be available for life to happen to me. I live a little bit on the seat of my pants, I try to be alert and available... if you’re not available, the sort of ordinary time goes past and you didn’t live it. But if you’re available, life gets huge. You’re really living it.
When I discovered/remembered my psychic and energetics gifts in 2020, I ran from them. I mean, I experimented with them for a while. Quite secretly though. I did not know at the time that I had belief systems running beneath the surface, and outside of my conscious awareness, that made pursuing those gifts impossible.
Beliefs that I must be crazy for hearing these voices and seeing these visions and sensing these frequencies and making contact with these things. That I’ll never be taken seriously. That I’ll never be successful pursuing these things, and that I certainly won’t get to live the kind of lifestyle I want from a financial standpoint.
So, I pursued other things, jobs, and businesses that I believed would make me seem like I mattered. The problem was that I never ever fully fit into those things. They required me to leave parts of myself behind. And I always felt like those things left behind grew louder and louder in their call the more and more I resisted.
What you resist persists, they say.
But, as you may know if you’ve been following along here for a while, none of those thing worked. None of them. In fact, some of those things absolutely spit me out. Not before chewing me up of course. Though sometimes I wonder how much I allowed the chewing in my attachment to the meaning I’d created around everything that always seems to cause me to stay in them for too long.
There are other aspects to the journey, too, of course. Like timing, life lessons, integration, trust, grief, surrendering, opening. My god, the opening. And a hefty amount of other things completely outside of our control.
Through all of that, I have circled back to everything I keep running from. Firstly, pursuing a college degree after a lifetime of “you’re everything we’re looking for but you don’t have a degree”. And a degree that will come to me free of tuition thanks to new legislation in the state of MI. A degree that also feels very strategic, and in alignment with where I’m going and what I’m building. A degree that I am, dare I say, actually kind of excited about?
A license in massage therapy. I let my old license lapse on October 31, 2019 after nine years in practice and attained relicensure on September 16, 2025. That’s one that I still sometimes shake my head at in disbelief.
I’m so glad I’m back here, though. I’m so glad I’m back.
And psychic work. The Akashic Records. This aspect of me I always kept secret and only revealed to specific people or circles. Now I’m doing readings for people and publicly advertising and teaching classes and doing spiritual coaching and though I don’t believe that we all have one driving purpose on this Earth - other than to just tell the truth of who we are and help others do the same - I could whole heartedly spend the rest of my life leading people in a return to their magic. Indubitably.
I’m so grateful for the people in my life who love me enough to push me through my own resistance. To love me through it and drag me through it and sit with me when I am in the thick of it, deciding whether or not I should turn back or somehow keep going.
I feel like I often repeat the same phrases in my newsletters, phrases that have come to me over the six years of my awakening and beyond, and carried me, and one of those is that it takes a village to be a human. And without my village, I might still be getting chewed on, not yet spit out.
Without my village, I might still be running. I might have never chosen devotion to none other than my own damn self. To my own heart. To the things that I want to make myself available to in this life. To my own aliveness, awe, and joy. To magic.
I’m so grateful for my own tenacity. For all the times I just kept going when all I wanted to do was disappear, but continuing on felt like the lesser of two evils. I’m grateful for my ability to have hope, and faith, and belief. And for my insatiable curiosity that always lended me toward leaning into the magic of my intuition, who subtly guided me with the faintest of ongoing whispers.
It has been my practice of honoring my intuition that has kept me alive all these years. I’ve never truly wanted to leave, but I can say that my intuition has an incredibly large part in me being where I’m at and who I am today. She is a treasure, that intuition of mind. A treasure.
Devotion is a salve. It’s being all in. It’s partnering with the unknown. It’s jumping off the cliff not even caring whether or not you have a parachute or if you’ll be caught because you trust in the free fall. Because by god you might actually sprout wings. It’s choosing the path rather than waiting to feel ready. It’s showing up for what you know is true. And it is truth that liberates, not your efforts to be free.
May we all stop running so that we may walk with devotion.
Tallyho,
Jenny
A few things of note:
“It is truth that liberates, not your efforts to be free” was originally stated by Jiddu Krishnamurti.
My in-person Akashic Records class at the Green Door Folk School in January is filling up! There are a few spots still available, so check it out here and register sooner rather than later if you’re thinking of attending.
I am teaching a Meet Your Spirit Guides virtual workshop on December 9. One of the most frequented questions I receive from people is how they can know and build relationship with their guides. This is a great start. (It is an especially great precursor to the in-person Akashic Records class.)
I like to periodically remind readers that I delight in response and conversation! I sometimes receive replies to these newsletter and it’s wonderful to engage with you in that way. Please don’t hesitate if you ever want to share, ask questions, etc.
Thanks for being here.